On Mates, Metiers, and TV Personalities This is another summary rewrite of a paper written many years ago, a copy of which could not be located for inclusion in these collected papers. Basic notion was that psychology has found that each of us carries around in the back of his mind the persona, i.e. an idealized version of his/her idea mate which has been built up, largely unconsciously during childhood and the teen years. When, during one's adult search for a mate one at last came in contact with an individual presenting a "substantial congruency" with this persona , he or she became a genuine target in the mating process. Inevitably there are some false starts, i.e. circumstances in which one individual's congruency is not reciprocated in one's "target". But for most people, eventually, two individuals came up with another where substantial congruences are reciprocal. And marriage usually occurs. Because both parties are (more or less) satisfied with this real world match with the psychological images each had been building up since early childhood with respect to the ideal mate, such marriages customarily endured -- despite the usual ups and down -- for life. Used to be that the elements entering into this personae were, quite reasonably, drawn from those of the opposite sex with whom the individual came in contact during his daily life: a favorite cousin, a cute girl down the street, a summer visitor to the community. Of course, for the very rich, who traveled a great deal and met large numbers of particularly attractive and interesting people, the time sometimes arrived when an even better "congruency" came along. And mistresses, separation, and even divorce were always known. But not often for those growing up in communities of modest size and living normal lives. Today, with children spending perhaps four times as much time in front of the television than in any other occupation -- including school, it should surprise no one to learn that most of the personae, i.e. notions of the ideal mate which are being formed by young people today are based on the people they see only on the small screen. These are for the most part the most beautiful, elegant, witty, talented, and gifted individuals in world society. They are not known as "the jet set" for nothing. And however many new serials are introduced with each Fall schedule, the number of these elegant, highly talented people is strictly limited. This has important implications. First of all, as can be understood, favorite cousins and cute girls living down the street were known to a limited number of others. And when the time came to choose a mate, a reasonable congruency usually satisfied. And usually endured for life. Today, it can be reasonably be assumed (the '60s provided plenty of testimony of this), young people of mating age, find it difficult if not impossible to meet anyone having a "substantial congruence" with Farrah Faucett or any other of Charley's Angels. And when one settles for something far less (always carrying in the back of one's mind this idealized persona formed from thousands of hours of TV viewing) one starts out tremendously disadvantaged going into the realities of married life, compared to one's parents or grandparents. And, given the fact that nowadays the average American changes residence every seven years, coming into contact with a whole population of new faces and personalities, it should not surprise anyone that other possibly more substantial congruencies with one's Elizabeth Taylor or Ann Margret or Rachel Welch persona will be encountered. And that with the loss of reinforcement for the original commitment from close members of both families and lifelong friends in a stable community, we should end up with almost half of contemporary marriages ending in divorce (and a not inconsiderable number of others leading to remarriage through the death of one spouse or the other). Much the same can be said about careers. (The author chose the French term metier -- meaning trade, profession, or career -- as part of the title for this piece as much for alliteration as for meaning). Used to be that one formed one's notion of the ideal career early in life, again for the most part from observation of role models. And, again, the number of such models was largely limited to those one knew on a personal basis: an admired local physician, a train driver uncle, an influential high school or college teacher, the man who ran the corner grocery store. Today, children are exposed from infancy to Rock Stars, movie actors, baseball and football stars -- and a disturbing number form unrealistic expectations about income, fame, and glory. Indeed, it can be argued that when ghetto kids see the local crack dealer drive down the street in his BMW, and then see drug use and gang life daily glorified in two or three TV serials before he goes to bed, this has the same psychological effect in forming unrealistic expectations as does watching Bay Watch on one's mating behavior. Most tragically, one watches with trepidation one's nieces and nephews forming intimate (if one-sided) cyberscreen friendships with TV characters. Kids seem to wake up to cartoons before breakfast and rush home from school for more cartoons before dinner. One remembers with nostalgia the real world friendships of one's youth: Touch football on the state capitol grounds, baseball at Lindsey Gardens, tennis at the Boys Club. Such friendships have endured for life. Nor is it kids alone who are being deprived of real world associations. While one can be grateful for the availability of television for those hospitalized or convalescing at home, one laments seeing otherwise able bodied retired folks no longer involved with the friends and associates of the office, tied to the TV screen instead of puttering in the garden, visiting from house to house to help shell peas, shuck corn, or snap beans for bottling -- which brought friends and neighbors together in real-life activities throughout most of human history. Seems like people's real (and sometimes only) friends today are the Wilford Brimleys of TV. Remember reading a fascinating Sci-Fi some thirty years ago in which society had evolved such that each person lived isolated in his own dwelling, separated by ten miles or so, never leaving one's residence -- except for limited visits to a pre-selected companion of the opposite sex for purposes of procreation -- and dependent entirely on automatic food deliveries and piped-in TV entertainment. Each habitation was programmed for replacement on his or her birthday at age sixty-five. With the arrival of cyber-shopping, cyber bill-paying, and cyber banking and investing, what amazing imagination. What troubling forevision. What frightening anticipation of Dr. Kervorkian.